GENDADS

Wild, wild morning and it’s only 0545. I broke my pledge already; the one in which I committed myself to be writing, not blogging and emailing all day.   But a sneaky peek at a blog post of a friend caught my attention. I am posting my response here. Actually on the “more” page.

Is this worth the use of precious posting time and cyber functionality? Yes. Because DEATH, not life, COMES FIRST. Right?

DO WE THINK OFTEN ENOUGH ABOUT DEATH AND THE LIFE THEREAFTER IT ENABLES?

I coulda watched “THE wedding” live. Didn’t, though beginning a new life together is an important bit of life. One must first accept death of the solo-self.

If you only have a few minutes, don’t waste your time reading my thoughts about what it will be like in the cyber world when I’m gone; how will they–or WILL THEY?!–announce and care about my leaving the net?   You can read that in a minute.  Good takeaway.

I want you to go–right now–to my friend’s short post A Pauper In The Court of The King There is a story of death honoring life out of the tornado tragedies (Faithful to the End, A Father’s Sacrifice).

Touching, no? Now you can read my comment about my own consideration about how the cyber world will treat my death (Hey, relax, it’s a long way off. Unless…) and what matters to me about that. It’s short, just click on MORE More

Really, REALLY hard to get this post out. For all the right reasons. If I said “tears” or “thumping heart,” would it make sense? It does to me. And if you’ve been reading or take a few moments now to catch up on the last four or so posts, you’ll get it. It’s about Dads and Sons. Period. See, I’m a dad, sometimes “grand,” sometimes not. Now uncommonly humbled as the observer-participant of my oldest grandson’s Year of, then Week of, then Rite of PASSAGE.

I owe you fans who’ve been so encouraging (and demanding) that I post details of the night in the Big Log Lodge. Mostly you want to know what was said to Taylor and what his response was and how he responded to the questions posed in his wilderness quest.

I will. Soon (this is called a “teaser” in the promo business).

THIS IS THE WOMAN-TO-BE WHO SINGS TO GOD, AND EVERY SONG IS AN ORIGINAL.

We boys rediscoverd this the day before the Big Log Lodge nite. Brooke, somewhere between 8 and 16 years of age, had a tea party. Busy dad, distracted grandfather, harried brother all had to attend. It’s all in the power of the sly roll of the eyes, the hands on the hips. Where did she learn that?! Two neighborhood mothers, a few neighbor girls arrived for tea, cocoa, and crumpets of sorts, and they were all dressed up.

Oh, did I tell you we SERVED? Get the picture? Get the drift? Get the future portended?

Cute, but there’s a sobering summary. Dad is her dad, too. She will marry the man who is most like him. How Matt treats her mother and the other girls is the man who sets the standards and the expectations. How “Popi” treats “Nani” fingures in, too. “Comlementary fathering” is our theme. We both play a role. With today’s longevities, I’ll be there to take part in her Country Cotillion or however it is that her mother and father take her across the threshold of being a captivating woman of modesty, purity, grace, and maturity in Christ.

So, men, this is the sidetrack with purpose. As fathers we model manhood to our girls. If you see that ideal man you may already be praying for as gentle, humble, wise, serving, and mature in the Lord, you’d better be living that model before her…NOW.

THEY DO WHAT THEY SEE: Are you modeling strenth, humility and godliness for her future husband?

THE FROSTING, NOT THE CHOCOLATE,  TAKES THE CAKE

DEAR BELOVED SON BEGAN MATT’S LETTER TO TAYLOR

Tears still brim my eyes as they did most of last night. It was payday for Matt’s week-long–heck, his year-long–investment in the first “child” of his six to step across the adult threshold.

Ten men and their sons, some logging a three-hour drive from the nearest city, circled Taylor in hugely comfy sofas.  Speaking of “huge,’ so did 14 of the most exquisite, awesome, huge Elk and Deer mounts around the huge room glowing in the light and heat of a huge 5-foot fireplace.  Get the picture?  This was not a birthday party of baloons, streamers and cake.

Subscribers and visitor of GENDADS know the build-up over the year and this last week as Taylor Jarvis Pettit trekked through his last year as a child with a remarkable heritage.  Serious Christian parents, both sets of grandparents, alive and otherwise, were “present.”  They stacked the deck; this was an important milestone in a young believer’s journey of  significance in the Kingdom God.

Did I hear you say, “Stop with the teasers already!”  Here’s the problem.  This event was too grand for a mere post.  You’ll have to give me time to write it up.  Here are the elements, though:  Letters from those present and others to far away to attend,  Man-gifts, as each letter was read (more tears well up…those gifts proved the worth of the event and of the man-in-the-making: Taylor’s 12th year man-journey as a slide show on the screen under the hugest of the Elk giants, Matt recalling the year in four segments dotted with skits and video excerpts of Brave Heart, Finding Forrester, The Patriot, Kingdom of Heaven, Scriptures recited and read by the godly men assembled, two love letters (To My Grandson, Be a Man of God and To the Son I So Deeply Love), and cake.  The latter by way of a paper plate and plastic fork on the way out the door at nearly midnight.

Click here to see a little MORE More

TWO OPTIONS TO GUIDE A YOUNG MAN’S JOURNEY.  Godly counsel, or random roadside  directions.

I hope you’re hooked.  I am.  On the importance, the beauty, the wonder of it all.  A quick read of the short post detailing this final week will catch you up quickly.  Of what?  Of a boys passage to manhood; the concept, the year-long journey, the ceremony, the rite. We provide resource links below.

Well, tonight’s the night. The gathering in “the lodge.” It’s the Rite of Passage. Taylor’s dad, Matt, has invited men signficant in his and Taylor’s life to participate. Taylor’s grandfather (that’s me, AKA “Popi”) plays a small, significant role.

This is Matt’s event for Taylor. In fact, this post is in celebration of Matt who, knowing the importance from his catbird seat as a family therapist working with extreme dysfunctions, has put time, sacrifice (did you read about his freezing all-nighter on watch in the forest?) and, mostly, heart into this entire “year of passage.” That’s quite a sentence. It’s been quite a year.

Matt took this week off. Focus is on Taylor, most of it subtly. Tonight’s ceremony is like plucking the fruit at just the right time. Serious Christian men from afar have mailed in testimonial “manhood letters”. Movie clips, like a micro Ransomed Heart boot camp, with several themes played out. Skits will bring laughs and reflection. Then there are the symbols. The sword? Nope, that’s for the extension down the road, maybe 16? But, I can’t tell you what dad is bequething to Taylor, “T” does read these posts.  I’ll post tomorrow to reveal all.

I can tell you grandfather’s gift. It’s the crest pin (goes somewhere on the kilt, but I don’t wear one) for the Cameroon clan and the story of how “Taillier of the Black Ax,” the bastard son of Don Cameroon, turned a bad start in life to such a heroic status he was granted his own clan…yes, we “Taylors” are proud Scotsmen.

Matt did not do this alone. Mom, daughter Cari, sometimes reluctantly, supported dangerous ice climing, the five day wilderness hike (with Popi), the pair’s trips to God-knows-where. Then there’s Popi. I write about it, but I’m not the star. In fact our book, Generational Fathering, is about dads’ sacrificial investment and granddads’ supportive “complimentary fathering.” It’s a two-man team; one coach, THE (Heavenly) FATHER; one star, the dad; one ball-passer, the generational father with a playbook of regrets, joys, insights, and a few winning strategies.

May I offer some resources? Got your interest dad, mom, granddad?  Start with Bret Stephenson’s, From Boys to Men, It’s the WHY. Then we loved the classic, Raising Modern Day Knights, the WHAT of making noblemen, updated by grandfather Robert Lewis. In the final stages, we leaned heavily on our friend, Brian Molitar. We’re using his book, Boy’s Passage, Man’s Journey, heavily tonight. Kevin Miles has a comprehensive sweep leading to a father/son journey together in a downloadable, Passage to Manhood.

And, if you just can’t help yourself, Generational Fathering will tell you what Matt and I are writing in our spare time (riiiiight!).

TODAY’S QUESTION: Dad, mom, granddad, grandmom, uncle, son, daughter, good friend of a lad, are you willing to explore these resources to become part of the solution of our fatherless generation?

If you’ve missed post #1 and #2. Click on them and catch up.  They’re short, but the story they tell is a long one; a boy crossing the threshold to becoming the man who walks with God throughout his life.

One Milestone in the YEAR OF PASSAGE: Eight point Buck on first hunt is now on the walls…living room, character museum.

Speaking of long, I can’t tell all  it here; the story of Taylor’s and Matt’s eventful night on “T’s” solo wilderness quest, I mean.  Good posts, they say, are short. So, snippets only. But, like the trailer of a good movie, yesterday’s report plays over and over. I write this a day later.  Even now, as it was throughout the day, my smile grows sponteneously and my eyes squint with a twinkle, often rimmed with small tears.  Over-dramatic?  Not when you see what I see.  A 12yold steps across the threshold to godly manhood.

The story played out over the birthday breakfast. Eight around the table awaited their returning men.  Strawberry pancakes with whip cream says “special.” What was truly special was Taylor and Matt telling their separate stories and the convergence of two men around the fire at 0400.  That’s early.   Without Taylor knowing it, Matt had returned with his horse about a mile from the camp Taylor had set up.  All night, blessed by a full moon on a reflective snow field, Matt silently eased closer to assure Taylor’s safety. No warm sleeping bag; this was an all-night vigil.  Highway 50 was hobbled as Matt did his own journaling.  It was a father’s passage, too.

Cold night, very.  Alone.  Stubborn firewood.  Reading by head lamp.  Strange noises.  Coyotes signing.  Bears in hibernation (“probably”). Journaling. Waiting for God.  Glad He showed up…and went deep. So says both “Man Books” on entries scrawled a hundred yards apart.

“Happy birthday young man“ came the milestone greeting from the cold, dark void across the fire ring. Taylor yelled in fright (a bad word “almost” came out) having emerged from the cosy sleeping bag to stoke the fire.  Matt had made his way to Taylor’s site, cap-napping with no sleeping bag, always “on watch.”

Next event, the ceremony, tomorrow at the log lodge.  The Rite of Passage with illustrative skits, movie clips, letters from godly men, the  presentation of symbolic knighthood gifts, and, of course, the prayer with hands of blessing.

SO, CAN I ASK IF YOU TOOK ANY OR ALL OF THOSE QUEST QUESTIONS FROM POST #2 SERIOUSLY?  Taylor did.  His responses are life-changing.  Yours?

If you want the details of this venture and the response to the quest questions, we’ll gladly share,  but you’ll have to ask in “comments”.

If you missed yesterday’s post sending Taylor off into his solo wilderness quest, go back an catch it.  It’s short.  Sets the stage.

WHAT A SYMBOL ! BOY STRUGGLES TO EMERGE AS A MAN.  IT’S A THING OF BEAUTY.  WELCOME TO THE SUNSHINE OF GROWING AS A MAN OF GOD’S CREATION, TAYLOR.

He’s due back in a couple of hours.  With Dad who (unbeknown to “T”) rode his horse in about a mile away for his own quest…and a watchful eye via hunting binoculars.  The four sibling covered their eldest brother in prayer at bedtime.  Now are quite anxious for his return.  As it should be, a young man emerging from childhood, has been made a big deal.  Oh, and TODAY IS TAYLOR’S 13TH  BIRTHDAY.

Last night, through the night, and refReshed all morning long is my PEB prayer. You’ll have to buy the book that will someday be finished to get the entirety of prayers for your family. Let’s just say the “Protection” prayer was prominent. Bears are coming out of hibernation in these here parts. The point of the quest was the “Enablement”. Matt is practicing Proverbs 22:6 in pointing him in the direction God created him for. The “Blessing” is reigning as we reflect on Taylor’s growth this year.

There, that’s your sermon for the day. Now, how would YOU answer the questions we posed for him to work out overnight?
WHAT IS MY CALLING—What did God design me for? What are my strengths, my special abilities, my life desires?
WHAT IS MY PURPOSE IN LIFE? What do I want to be remembered for?
WHAT DO I NEED TO BE A COMPETENT MAN
WHAT DO I NEED TO BE A TRUE MAN OF GOD—are there issues, problems, struggles, sin, to deal with? Are there gifts and interests that need to be developed? What and who can help me develop these best?
WHO IS JESUS CHRIST TO ME TODAY, REALLY?
IN FOUR SENTENCES OR LESS, WHO IS TAYLOR PETTIT?
IN FOUR SENTENCES OR LESS, WHO WOULD TAYLOR PETTIT LIKE TO BE IN THE YEAR 2031,
IN FOUR SENTENCES OR LESS, MY IDEAL LIFE IN 2031 WILL LOOK THIS

Well, friends, this is it; The Week.

Taylor’s father, Matt, and I have taken this manhood passage concept seriously.  In the cosmopolitan, urbane western world, we’ve lost the value of bringing our sons across the manhood threshold, a largely symbolic event of a boy becoming a man.  Because our culture has progressed (?) beyond such primitive ceremonies, we have regular reports from psychologists and we witness it on the large and small screens: we have a generation of boys, some of them fathers, who never stepped across the threshold.

We’ve been grooming Taylor all year.  If you’ve visited GenDads much, you’ve seen various stages.  The five day wilderness trek, the weekly Tuesday morning Bible study with Dad, the journaling, the “saturation week” with Taylor, Matt, Popi (me) on the deep sea fishing-glider flying-mammoth excavating-college campus missions fest-golfing venture.

Today is a different Tuesday.  Dad and “T” ride horses out to a spot in the mountain forest for Taylor’s Quest. As a youth therapist, Matt deals with the fruit of boys who’ve never been shown the door or the passageway to it that distinguishes a boy from a man of God in the making. Matt will leave Taylor with his rifle, overnight camping gear, meal makings, horse hobbles, a Bible, journal, a book or two. And there are hand-scrawled probing questions therapist dad and “companion dad,” Popi, have offered as guides for his inner quest.  We’ve been there.  Often.

All this being noted back home, T’s four siblings grasp the extremis of this day and prayed touching prayers of compassion for their older brother last night.  I suspect they’ll continue in wonder and worry the rest of the day…along with two generations of parents.

SHOULD I LEAVE YOU OFF THE HOOK and not ask you some of the questions Taylor will sort through?  Like, “WHAT DO I NEED TO BECOME A TRUE MAN OF GOD?”  We’ll post others for you tomorrow.

I had something else in mind.  Like a post about the grandfathering burdens I’m forced to endure today.  For example, I had to whisper through pained vocal cords without much breath remaining from under a pile of four grandwonderwrestlers.

Then, while recovering, I opened my email.  Oh, no, another book to reveiw! But, I did, remembering I am two books behind.  “Time out kids, I have a project to finish out”  Actually, I have read the books, one being a DVD (Grandfathers).  All good and worthy of comment.

Then I opened the review group’s new offering.  WOW!!  Talk about capturing my attention.  In my face and reaching my imagination and my heart was the most clever, comprehensive, attractive, stylistically alluring publication ever.  Sounds like I am talking about the Bible.  Well, sorta.  Distributed by the Gideons to high schools around the country is The Life Book.  That’s all you need to know.  Go here: The Life Book. Order up.  Find a way to connect to encourage distribution in your school system. I’m getting one for my homeschooled grandkids. And for me. A masters in theology was eons ago. This thing brought it home in way I can share easily with the new Christians in my SS class.

Before I head off to show Life Book to my homeschooling daughter, please pay close attention. I am going to talk fast. First: It’s Your Call by Gary Barkalow is my favorite of my recent reviews. But, I have to promote it again. It fits my own book, Generational Fathering. If your life or your family’s life does not center around finding and living out God’s design for you, it will be a life unfulfilled. Gary’s retreats and books are life-centering and life-transforming.

Then this one, right up my alley. Flight Plan. It’s by two Christian educators with ten children between them. Neither of them is a pilot. But as a relic from Vietnam War Navy carrier days, I can vouch for their concept. Were I to wax eloquent with my own real stories of heading off into the wild blue yonder without the right radio frequencies, visual landmarks, and without applying wind and weather factors this would be a long, long post, indeed. This book is a terrific boys book for use by dads and church and school leaders. The flight plan analogy is a good hook to snag the kids and steer them, like a good hazardous weather briefing, around specfic storms ahead. The success of a mission is only as good as the flight plan. A fun and well-themed book with interactive learning features that make me think these guys know about educating kids.

Then there’s Grandfathers. When I say every family should have this thrilling DVD, I mean it. It’s goes where my own book goes exploring in vivid real-life details the impact of heritage. This is the companion to “End of the Spear” and “Beyond the Gates of Spendor” which showcase the heroic life of the martyred Nate Saint. Grandson Jesse, has to make discoveries of his own while visiting the tribe which killed the grandfather he never knew. It’s a story of life’s journey that personalizes forgiveness and self-actualization in the light of Jesse’s heritage. I highly recommend Grandfathers as a replacemennt every now and then for your Netflix or TIVOed family movie. Every church library should have it at the ready for a loan and as a Sunday School resource…big peoples’ Sunday School included. This one’s going on the screen after tomorrow’s birthday party for the 11-year-old.

[noto bono: Legacy Dad is a companion blog to GenDads which three of us author. Per previous post we thought it was time to actually meet. That event authenticated the very chapter I was writing for Generational Fathering . Fathering is not the trail and error solo parenting venture we have made into the default standard. It's a team sport, and victory is a long way down the trail. Best we NOT do this alone. Fathering is NOT a game. Too much at stake for the lives of our legacy, our children and grandchildren. Here is a Legacy Dad post after the bonding weekend]

WHAT BETTER THAN THREE HORSES, THREE CIGARS, AND THREE DAD DUDES PASSIONATE OVER THEIR LEGACY.
What an immense pleasure to actually meet up with and embrace my two partners of Legacy Dad. There is an uplifting irony in this. For all the questionable dynamics of the two-dimensional world as seen through the eyes of pre-Internet generations, our blog, Tweets, and FB did a very old fashioned thing; it brought us together. Three lives across a wide spectrum of age, geography, and professions would not have otherwise met. My life would be slightly less rich if we’d not made the original cyber connection. And, it would be a lot less rich if we’d not met on the beach cottage in SoCal.

I think our meeting breathes something important into the lives of fathers today; our own and our dad pals on GenDad and Legacy Dad. Fathering is best done NOT alone. It’s a team sport. Since it’s not about us but about our children, our legacy, pulling out all the stops is the right approach. That includes connecting with other dads. Not so much for the “How To’s” but for the encouragement, for the discussion of bedrock principles, for just not feeling alone and overwhelmed by marriage, work, and parenting.

I’m a grandfather, so my take-away is different. I see the value of elder fathers imprint on current child-raisers. That’s where Generational Fathering (my book in progress) is going. Then there is value of seeing and feeling the joys and conflicts of fully engaged young dads. Refreshing and instructional; I’ve gained insights I can pass along to my own and other young fathers who seek me out.

DAD, MOM(including single’s looking for a dad for their children) ARE YOU WILLING TO SEEK OUT A FATHERING CONNECTION TO MAKE THESE SHORT AND PRECARIOUS PARENTING YEARS GO BETTER?

Intrigued you, didn’t it, that title?  I wrote a Legacy Dad post this morning which had  its roots in the chapter of Generational Fathering I am currently writing (at www.generationalfathering.com if you are curious).  We’re meeting for the weekend at the beach cottages of Camp Pendleton (Yes, Marines do go to the beach without combat gear).  Thought you’d like to read and ponder the “why”.  I’ll keep you, as they say in the blogosphere, “posted.”
-=-=-=-=-
[This morning at www.legacydad.com]
Did you know Legacy Dad is actually Legacy DadS? Lance started us out; he’s the main man. But there’s Dante and Gary. Our profiles span the imagination. One’s a professional warrior of the serious kind. Another is a commodities trader or something. The other is a retired cowboy. Really. Two fathers and a grandfather. Oregon, California, Illinois. We don’t sport “diversity” bumper stickers; we ARE diversity.

We’re inviting you to peek in on our special occasion. After nearly a year of electronic connectivity, we decided to meet; the flesh and blood kind of meeting where a cigar and a beer and runs on the beach and a couple hours on horseback are our medium. We’re not abandoning the two-dimensional cyberworld, we’re just setting it aside to make our connection more real. We are having a bonding weekend as you read this; we’re meeting to celebrate what we have in common. And there is one bonus issue worth telling you about.

In common is fathering–actually a passion for good and godly fathering. Also that we are serious followers of Christ who makes more indellible our impact in our family and professional lives. And that we value the opportunity to share our experiences, insights, and our hearts with guys (a few gals, too) like you. We sincerely hope you find our thoughts worth processing and applying in your real lives.

The bonus thing is that we are modeling a concept we want you to take seriously. Will you give it some thought? Maybe feed back to us. I’ll call it “companion fathering.” In fact, this very day I was writing the section of my book that talks about it. I’ll spare you chapter four for now. Try this: We dads, especially the younger and newer ones, are immersed to our detriment in the “I can do it myself” syndrome of the independent wild west traditions of America. Good for some things, but not parenting. Grandfather no longer llives in the tent door or the farm just down the road. Where’s the passalong? How does experience–good, bad–get written into the overwhelming task of raising good and godly children when everything, it seesm, is against it. When did heritage and legacy get dropped from family matrix?

True, our fathers may not be nearby, alive, or care all that much. And some dads and inlaw dads would be best left out of the picture, frankly. But by father’s intentionally connecting with other fathers, both peers and “ancient relics” of another generation to learn, encourage, advise, whole new dimensions open up. Where the salty tang of early generational cultures is missing, uncles, in-laws, elders from church, a grandfather just down the street can make the mix of cross-pollination a way more rich life brew.

Yes, the blogosphere can be a big help in working out our legacy, but there is no substitute for abrasos and late-night sessions to add hope, even excitement, to the challenges of building a legacy that will be lived out in our children who will inherit a far darker, more confused, and less happy world than we were handed.

Well, that’s the idea. We’ll tell you how it came out. This here old coot is eager to saddle up. My fathering ain’t done yet; it is an assignment from On High that is never rescinded. Best I make the most of it. Oh, and I’m not alone, either. I, too, am fathered by God.