GENDADS

Keeping my word: Short.  This is our new Blog plan.  Short vignettes that illustrate the theme of Generational Fathering.  Two generations of fathers, the elder partnering with the younger busy professional who is passionate about his fathering but is in the prime of his professional life to provide for the family  These will be little stoires to enourage young fathers and older retreads to share the duties and the joys of “fathering to the end,” and “finishing well” in the arena of life that counts more than fame, riches, and low handicaps at the retiree tournament as a proper fulfillment of God’s assignment, never rescineed, to serve Him by being a father.

Matt’s away on a remote job.  Tuesday is for our Rite of Passage kid, Colton.  Morning Bible study.  We could skip; great excuse.  Or “we” the team dads, could carry on. So we did; I did.  It’s not plowing through Samuel watching the complimentary lives of David and Jonathan, that’s so hard.   It’s the Hootenany Pancakes.  Grandpa ain’t so great on that one.  I tried for animal-shaped pancakes; “Com’on Popi, that was when we were kids.”  He grimmaced bravely over his first bites, the rest remained untouched.                                                                                   

Failed Hootenanny’s Means Breakfast Out

So, Colton has a pre-study assignment.  Matt, by phone, told me mine.  We dig in.  Basically, it’s the same expected questions.  It’s the answers that count; Colton’s answers since he’s the man in training.  We came up with this one, the highlight answer of the morning.  I Samuel 20-25.  So what influence did best friends have on each other?  Dedicating their lives to each other.  And it wasn’t just for them, it became a valorous bond that affected the entire Kingdom of Israel.  Even later when they were married and had families, they stuck together.  We know their comradeship carried into their  family lives; their renegade kids like Solomon and Absolom were always challenging their fathers.  “I guess we don’t see it exactly in the Bible, Popi, but you KNOW they had to have some serious discussions, maybe even tears about those kids and probably their many wives, too.” 

['Twer conceive very differently, this Father's Day announcement with the too-cute-by-half  bugling noise.  I got humbled.  My faithful blog mechanizm said it did, but it didn't.  Send you a notice, that is. Two weeks later, working with the email designer, and over my head with other things, I am trying again to send this your way.  WHY (be so bull-headed)?  That's just me.  AND, this is as important an announcement now as it was then.

If you've faithfully tortured your way this far in my whiney intro, you deserve the short version, "TA-Ta--Taaa!" etc. aside.   I took some time to add some old (and new) friends to the subscriber’s list because of the new journey ahead.  If I misjudged your potential interest in following my SHORT Gendads posts as part of writing the book of my head and heart so long delayed, shoot me an "unsubscribe" note at gary@gendads.com. Would love to have you stay onboard with the hope some of you will add examples of generationally significant fathering and maybe even agree to an interview.]  

Two Princeses, Horses, and a Goat

We’re back to the delayed original:  Bugling…might be reveille, the military wake up call. Could be my favorite sound in the wild, a wapiti, a bull Elk announcing his presence and, well, his really serious intentions. Really big announcements come with bugling. All of which brings me to this TA-Ta-TAAAAAaaaa!!

That’s me announcing a pivotal event in my life appropriate to FATHER’S DAY.
You see, I got me an editor. And I got me a request from a well-known publisher, too. Think it’s about time the Generational Fathering myth becomes a book?

GENDADs (.com) is about to become what it was originally intended.  Matt, co-author and soninlaw, had wanted this space to be more bloggy instead of a rare intonation from ancient cowboy-philosopher-poet.

Here’s what you’ll be getting from GenDad’s now.  First is “short.”  Revolutionary, eh?  Still provokative, or maybe just a prodding.  Frequent due to the new function.

While I dig deep and do the hard work of the book, and it should take some considerable time, I’ll be less in touch with my “tribe”. But as I finished talking with Matt on the cell in his travels from Denver, this idea struck me.  Hard.

Talking with Matt, I was walking to the arena with 9-(cum 18)-year-old Brooke to keep a promise to train her in the round pen on her horse, Holly.  Dad, the equine master, has been gone.  I am filling in.  This is the essence of Generational Fathering…”co-fathering,” maybe, “partner-fathering.”   Maybe “complementary fathering” is more apt.  Matt is full-up with Deep Rivers Family Ranch and his therapy practice like most dads this age at the crux of their careers.  Six children complicate things.  Alas, “Popi” rides up on a white stallion, white hat, and a golden heart and a deep desire to build and leave a godly legacy.

So?

So, I will be writing (and Matt commenting) as layers of our tightly wrapped lives unfold into stories illustrating our convictions supporting this bold new dimension of fathering in an increasingly fatherless world.  I can take short vignettes out of our lives to keep the stories fresh here in GenDads.  It’s a good way to demonstrate what “complementary fathering” looks like in the canvas of our lives.  I’ve noted four in my pocket pad since wrote this.  Our hope?  Give you on either side of the father/grandfather role some food for thought.

If I am committed to writing three hours a day (many of you are so glad to hear, at last, “FOCUS!”) I can add a short piece, blog style, every few days.   They’ll be way shorter than this transition statement. I use Hootsuite, so some of you will get a Twitter alert, others Facebook, and a bunch of my Deep Rivers Family Ranch connections in Linked In will be able to peek at the progress of our book and of our lives.

Oh, some of you know about the advanced stage of you-know-what and the chemotherapy routine I’m balancing with a “normal” full life.  It’s a motivator.  It’s about time I multi-task despite my wife’s 48 years of doubt.  Dual primary tasks is a good thing.  Leaving a legacy for multiple generations to follow and concentrating on the book as the premier project of this finish-well leg of the journey means no stinkin chemo is going to thwart God’s assignment.

Thanks, alas, for sticking with this last long blog.  Any comments to encourage or re-direct let me know the admin rework worked.

No, I’m not dying.  Well, yes, I am, but so are you.  I mean my cancer is there, but so am I; healthy, strong, no affects other than the entertaining issues from the femine hormones (prone to hug, spending extra time in Khols, hot flashes).  Still, there is this thing about the path of life.  I, of course, think in terms of “The Trail.’   Many a trail on the back of Toffee (who preceeded me last year into Horse Heaven), many a ride along rich and challenging sections with Matt.  We peel off and head down our own trails, always within shouting distance, always following the Wild Goose, always ready to reign strong and ride hard over to the other’s call.

Along the trail are the cairns (rocks stacked in such a way as to guide the next rider, invaluable when maps, trail markers, and overgrown trails cloud the journey).  We follow some, we leave some.

This is a short post leading to a longer one in my personal blog (this being more a dads and book blog) The Wild Gray Goose.  Before you jump over there ( I recommend you do), I want you to catch a “bottom line” idea.  Saves you all my poetic meanderings.  We ALL need heart–partners.  We need comrades, amigos, saddle mates, partners who will stand beside us for God’s sake and ours.   SEAL Team Six is a TEAM.  And they do their missions in pairs.  I flew with a wingman, never alone in combat.

Life, because of the Fall and subsequent invasions of our lives by the Enemy of Our Souls, is warfare.  We need trusted companions.  The new movie, Act of Valor (active duty SEALs as “actors”), will emboss that on your psyche.  Ephesians 6:12 will take your understand where it ought to go…the battle is in the heavenlies but touches down in our lives sometimes subtly, sometime dramatically.  The battle is not ours, it’s His.  Our heart/life/trail mates are cruicial.

Oh, one note more.  My grandsons (and soon the granddaughters) are being conditioned to the trail ahead and its difficult sections.  Through Matt and I (the team, co-fathering theme again) taking them up to and through a rite of passage; boot camp for those who would ride and fight well…but never alone.  We provide two generations of savvy companionship.  And when I go, Matt and each of them will repeat the cycle; a legacy of preparing for the long ride on life’s trail and the battles and joys thereupon, one cairn followed by another.

And now, you’ll better understand the meaning of my view of the trail in The Wild Gray Goose.

For those being intruded on by hackers, I apologize.  I am hiring a smart blogger to fix the problem.  Please be patient.

FIRST, IT WAS THE LORD’S “STILL, SMALL VOICE”(See comment below).

THEN IT WAS THE DEVIL’S TURN…Or was it?  You probably noticed.  I got hacked.  Messed up my rigid plans for the day.  BUT it got me back into this blog.  I’ve been planning that for over a week.   Or is that spelled, “weak?”  I ‘spect I’m being prodded by the Lord to re-enter the blog world as part of the mission to pick up my book writing.  Been away all summer helping son-in-law start his business. It’s actually a ministry of reaching out to families in chaos by way of equine assisted therapy on Deep Rivers Family Ranch.

At the beginning of the summer I wrote:  SUDDENLY, THE LORD WHISPERED LOUDLY…”Take a break, son.”  He was refering to my time on my blog and social media.  He reminded me He wrote His Book, and now I should write mine.

SO FOR MY VISITORS OVER THE FIRST HALF OF OCTOBER:  This is a perfect place for a static page.  It introduces the book and a bit of our life touched, incredibly, by grace uncommon.  Feel free, however, to leave a comment (tap “comments,” above).]

———————————–

Per the blog header, the focus  of GenDads is pretty clear.  It’s about “generational fathering,” the concept of promoting multiple generations participation in the fathering challenge.  If the goal is “good and godly” children as lights of hope and righteousness in a darkening future, then the father and the father’s father would be a better set of tools to hammer out that sort of legacy.

One thing is obvious.  Like other “obvious” truths, we need reminding: it’s not the quantity (as in two complementing generations) but the quality of both that will assure the quality of the newest and very challenging generation being molded.

See the cute, happy couple? If the photo is 46 years old, does “happy” continue (even if “cute” is long gone)?  It’s a serious question.  The handsome Navy flyboy has wrinkles, white hair, and a protruding belly now.  But it  is the quality of his life–and his  “Happy Couple” marraige–that determines the quality of imprint “Popi” will have on his grandchidren.

This weekend Sunday service forces this issue.  You see, Carolyn (the still “cute” and obviously better half) and I were asked to share our testimony and given the entire message slot.  We would never have guessed (and still are a bit dazed) the overwhelming event that would become.  It was not the 46 years of walking with God together done in 40 minutes, but the entire week it took for us to forge Our Story from memory and pictures.  Tears, smiles, awed silence and shaking our heads in wonder as we reviewed each segment of the journey.

Reviewing our life under the Utterly Gracious Hand of a Loving God has changed us.  Our life forward will be different.  The “Finishing Well” phase of life  (like a race, a poem, a painting, a landscaping project…heck, like anything of worth) depends what’s been invested, hammered, built, tested, sacrificed (etc., etc.,) in early stages.  We were overwhelmed (I mean that; really, we were swept up in the wonder of it) at the amazing and unearned grace of God to have favored us so.  I type through tears even now.

This could be a very long post.  Or it could stop here.  Or maybe I should hit the “pause” tab for now.  I think over the next couple of days, with writing Generational Fathering highest on my priority list, I’ll take time on GenDads to share the highlights of that journey.  WHY?  Back to the “quality” thing in leaving a legacy imprint on my generations to follow. The quality of God’s grace is never in question.  How we appropriated it–that alone a mystery of unmetited grace–is the essence of how my life (amplified by my still-cute better half) will imprint these six grandchildren I so dearly love.

AND YOU?  HOW WILL THE WORK OF GOD IN YOUR LIFE UP ‘TIL NOW IMPACT YOUR LIFE ONWARD..AND THOSE HE GIVES YOU TO LEAD, INCLUDING THE GENERATIONS TO FOLLOW FORWARD?

FIRST, IT WAS THE LORD’S “STILL, SMALL VOICE“(See comment below).

THEN IT WAS THE DEVIL’S TURN…Or was it?  You probably noticed.  I got hacked.  Messed up my rigid plans for the day.  BUT it got me back into this blog.  I’ve been planning that for over a week.   Or is that spelled, “weak?”  I ‘spect I’m being prodded by the Lord to re-enter the blog world as part of the mission to pick up my book writing.  Been away all summer helping son-in-law start his business. It’s actually a ministry of reaching out to families in chaos by way of equine assisted therapy on Deep Rivers Family Ranch.

SUDDENLY, THE LORD WHISPERED LOUDLY…”Take a break, son.”  He was refering to my time on my blog and social media.  He reminded me He wrote His Book, and now I should write mine.

SO FOR MY VISITORS OVER THE FIRST HALF OF OCTOBER:  This is a perfect place for a static page.  It introduces the book and a bit of our life touched, incredibly, by grace uncommon.  Feel free, however, to leave a comment (tap “comments,” above).]

———————————–

Per the blog header, the focus  of GenDads is pretty clear.  It’s about “generational fathering,” the concept of promoting multiple generations participation in the fathering challenge.  If the goal is “good and godly” children as lights of hope and righteousness in a darkening future, then the father and the father’s father would be a better set of tools to hammer out that sort of legacy.

One thing is obvious.  Like other “obvious” truths, we need reminding: it’s not the quantity (as in two complementing generations) but the quality of both that will assure the quality of the newest and very challenging generation being molded.

See the cute, happy couple? If the photo is 46 years old, does “happy” continue (even if “cute” is long gone)?  It’s a serious question.  The handsome Navy flyboy has wrinkles, white hair, and a protruding belly now.  But it  is the quality of his life–and his  “Happy Couple” marraige–that determines the quality of imprint “Popi” will have on his grandchidren.

This weekend Sunday service forces this issue.  You see, Carolyn (the still “cute” and obviously better half) and I were asked to share our testimony and given the entire message slot.  We would never have guessed (and still are a bit dazed) the overwhelming event that would become.  It was not the 46 years of walking with God together done in 40 minutes, but the entire week it took for us to forge Our Story from memory and pictures.  Tears, smiles, awed silence and shaking our heads in wonder as we reviewed each segment of the journey.

Reviewing our life under the Utterly Gracious Hand of a Loving God has changed us.  Our life forward will be different.  The “Finishing Well” phase of life  (like a race, a poem, a painting, a landscaping project…heck, like anything of worth) depends what’s been invested, hammered, built, tested, sacrificed (etc., etc.,) in early stages.  We were overwhelmed (I mean that; really, we were swept up in the wonder of it) at the amazing and unearned grace of God to have favored us so.  I type through tears even now.

This could be a very long post.  Or it could stop here.  Or maybe I should hit the “pause” tab for now.  I think over the next couple of days, with writing Generational Fathering highest on my priority list, I’ll take time on GenDads to share the highlights of that journey.  WHY?  Back to the “quality” thing in leaving a legacy imprint on my generations to follow. The quality of God’s grace is never in question.  How we appropriated it–that alone a mystery of unmetited grace–is the essence of how my life (amplified by my still-cute better half) will imprint these six grandchildren I so dearly love.

AND YOU?  HOW WILL THE WORK OF GOD IN YOUR LIFE UP ’TIL NOW IMPACT YOUR LIFE ONWARD..AND THOSE HE GIVES YOU TO LEAD, INCLUDING THE GENERATIONS TO FOLLOW FORWARD?

THEN, HE ASCENDED INTO THE CLOUDS,  BUT DID NOT LEAVE US ALONE.

It’s been a week since the celebration of our Lord’s resurrection. But it’s still fresh in way’s I’ve not experienced before. I think it hangs on for me because of the extraordinary series of events I’ve recited here that capped off my grandson’s Year of Passage.

The connection is legacy. The essence of the story on the Cross and the days that followed is legacy, it’s our biblical heritage of truths and examples passed down through the generations. We sometimes forget the history-changing events that the Gospels identify as Jesus reappears and further touches the life of His disciples (which, by extension, include us). The walk to Emmaus, the prayer meeting with the disciples, the promise of the indwelling Holy Spirit, the announcement of the Great Commission, and the glorious ascension left us direction, left us examples…have I said this yet, “This is divine legacy.”

More

Wild, wild morning and it’s only 0545. I broke my pledge already; the one in which I committed myself to be writing, not blogging and emailing all day.   But a sneaky peek at a blog post of a friend caught my attention. I am posting my response here. Actually on the “more” page.

Is this worth the use of precious posting time and cyber functionality? Yes. Because DEATH, not life, COMES FIRST. Right?

DO WE THINK OFTEN ENOUGH ABOUT DEATH AND THE LIFE THEREAFTER IT ENABLES?

I coulda watched “THE wedding” live. Didn’t, though beginning a new life together is an important bit of life. One must first accept death of the solo-self.

If you only have a few minutes, don’t waste your time reading my thoughts about what it will be like in the cyber world when I’m gone; how will they–or WILL THEY?!–announce and care about my leaving the net?   You can read that in a minute.  Good takeaway.

I want you to go–right now–to my friend’s short post A Pauper In The Court of The King There is a story of death honoring life out of the tornado tragedies (Faithful to the End, A Father’s Sacrifice).

Touching, no? Now you can read my comment about my own consideration about how the cyber world will treat my death (Hey, relax, it’s a long way off. Unless…) and what matters to me about that. It’s short, just click on MORE More

Really, REALLY hard to get this post out. For all the right reasons. If I said “tears” or “thumping heart,” would it make sense? It does to me. And if you’ve been reading or take a few moments now to catch up on the last four or so posts, you’ll get it. It’s about Dads and Sons. Period. See, I’m a dad, sometimes “grand,” sometimes not. Now uncommonly humbled as the observer-participant of my oldest grandson’s Year of, then Week of, then Rite of PASSAGE.

I owe you fans who’ve been so encouraging (and demanding) that I post details of the night in the Big Log Lodge. Mostly you want to know what was said to Taylor and what his response was and how he responded to the questions posed in his wilderness quest.

I will. Soon (this is called a “teaser” in the promo business).

THIS IS THE WOMAN-TO-BE WHO SINGS TO GOD, AND EVERY SONG IS AN ORIGINAL.

We boys rediscoverd this the day before the Big Log Lodge nite. Brooke, somewhere between 8 and 16 years of age, had a tea party. Busy dad, distracted grandfather, harried brother all had to attend. It’s all in the power of the sly roll of the eyes, the hands on the hips. Where did she learn that?! Two neighborhood mothers, a few neighbor girls arrived for tea, cocoa, and crumpets of sorts, and they were all dressed up.

Oh, did I tell you we SERVED? Get the picture? Get the drift? Get the future portended?

Cute, but there’s a sobering summary. Dad is her dad, too. She will marry the man who is most like him. How Matt treats her mother and the other girls is the man who sets the standards and the expectations. How “Popi” treats “Nani” fingures in, too. “Comlementary fathering” is our theme. We both play a role. With today’s longevities, I’ll be there to take part in her Country Cotillion or however it is that her mother and father take her across the threshold of being a captivating woman of modesty, purity, grace, and maturity in Christ.

So, men, this is the sidetrack with purpose. As fathers we model manhood to our girls. If you see that ideal man you may already be praying for as gentle, humble, wise, serving, and mature in the Lord, you’d better be living that model before her…NOW.

THEY DO WHAT THEY SEE: Are you modeling strenth, humility and godliness for her future husband?

THE FROSTING, NOT THE CHOCOLATE,  TAKES THE CAKE

DEAR BELOVED SON BEGAN MATT’S LETTER TO TAYLOR

Tears still brim my eyes as they did most of last night. It was payday for Matt’s week-long–heck, his year-long–investment in the first “child” of his six to step across the adult threshold.

Ten men and their sons, some logging a three-hour drive from the nearest city, circled Taylor in hugely comfy sofas.  Speaking of “huge,’ so did 14 of the most exquisite, awesome, huge Elk and Deer mounts around the huge room glowing in the light and heat of a huge 5-foot fireplace.  Get the picture?  This was not a birthday party of baloons, streamers and cake.

Subscribers and visitor of GENDADS know the build-up over the year and this last week as Taylor Jarvis Pettit trekked through his last year as a child with a remarkable heritage.  Serious Christian parents, both sets of grandparents, alive and otherwise, were “present.”  They stacked the deck; this was an important milestone in a young believer’s journey of  significance in the Kingdom God.

Did I hear you say, “Stop with the teasers already!”  Here’s the problem.  This event was too grand for a mere post.  You’ll have to give me time to write it up.  Here are the elements, though:  Letters from those present and others to far away to attend,  Man-gifts, as each letter was read (more tears well up…those gifts proved the worth of the event and of the man-in-the-making: Taylor’s 12th year man-journey as a slide show on the screen under the hugest of the Elk giants, Matt recalling the year in four segments dotted with skits and video excerpts of Brave Heart, Finding Forrester, The Patriot, Kingdom of Heaven, Scriptures recited and read by the godly men assembled, two love letters (To My Grandson, Be a Man of God and To the Son I So Deeply Love), and cake.  The latter by way of a paper plate and plastic fork on the way out the door at nearly midnight.

Click here to see a little MORE More

TWO OPTIONS TO GUIDE A YOUNG MAN’S JOURNEY.  Godly counsel, or random roadside  directions.

I hope you’re hooked.  I am.  On the importance, the beauty, the wonder of it all.  A quick read of the short post detailing this final week will catch you up quickly.  Of what?  Of a boys passage to manhood; the concept, the year-long journey, the ceremony, the rite. We provide resource links below.

Well, tonight’s the night. The gathering in “the lodge.” It’s the Rite of Passage. Taylor’s dad, Matt, has invited men signficant in his and Taylor’s life to participate. Taylor’s grandfather (that’s me, AKA “Popi”) plays a small, significant role.

This is Matt’s event for Taylor. In fact, this post is in celebration of Matt who, knowing the importance from his catbird seat as a family therapist working with extreme dysfunctions, has put time, sacrifice (did you read about his freezing all-nighter on watch in the forest?) and, mostly, heart into this entire “year of passage.” That’s quite a sentence. It’s been quite a year.

Matt took this week off. Focus is on Taylor, most of it subtly. Tonight’s ceremony is like plucking the fruit at just the right time. Serious Christian men from afar have mailed in testimonial “manhood letters”. Movie clips, like a micro Ransomed Heart boot camp, with several themes played out. Skits will bring laughs and reflection. Then there are the symbols. The sword? Nope, that’s for the extension down the road, maybe 16? But, I can’t tell you what dad is bequething to Taylor, “T” does read these posts.  I’ll post tomorrow to reveal all.

I can tell you grandfather’s gift. It’s the crest pin (goes somewhere on the kilt, but I don’t wear one) for the Cameroon clan and the story of how “Taillier of the Black Ax,” the bastard son of Don Cameroon, turned a bad start in life to such a heroic status he was granted his own clan…yes, we “Taylors” are proud Scotsmen.

Matt did not do this alone. Mom, daughter Cari, sometimes reluctantly, supported dangerous ice climing, the five day wilderness hike (with Popi), the pair’s trips to God-knows-where. Then there’s Popi. I write about it, but I’m not the star. In fact our book, Generational Fathering, is about dads’ sacrificial investment and granddads’ supportive “complimentary fathering.” It’s a two-man team; one coach, THE (Heavenly) FATHER; one star, the dad; one ball-passer, the generational father with a playbook of regrets, joys, insights, and a few winning strategies.

May I offer some resources? Got your interest dad, mom, granddad?  Start with Bret Stephenson’s, From Boys to Men, It’s the WHY. Then we loved the classic, Raising Modern Day Knights, the WHAT of making noblemen, updated by grandfather Robert Lewis. In the final stages, we leaned heavily on our friend, Brian Molitar. We’re using his book, Boy’s Passage, Man’s Journey, heavily tonight. Kevin Miles has a comprehensive sweep leading to a father/son journey together in a downloadable, Passage to Manhood.

And, if you just can’t help yourself, Generational Fathering will tell you what Matt and I are writing in our spare time (riiiiight!).

TODAY’S QUESTION: Dad, mom, granddad, grandmom, uncle, son, daughter, good friend of a lad, are you willing to explore these resources to become part of the solution of our fatherless generation?