GENDADS

['Twer conceive very differently, this Father's Day announcement with the too-cute-by-half  bugling noise.  I got humbled.  My faithful blog mechanizm said it did, but it didn't.  Send you a notice, that is. Two weeks later, working with the email designer, and over my head with other things, I am trying again to send this your way.  WHY (be so bull-headed)?  That's just me.  AND, this is as important an announcement now as it was then.

If you've faithfully tortured your way this far in my whiney intro, you deserve the short version, "TA-Ta--Taaa!" etc. aside.   I took some time to add some old (and new) friends to the subscriber’s list because of the new journey ahead.  If I misjudged your potential interest in following my SHORT Gendads posts as part of writing the book of my head and heart so long delayed, shoot me an "unsubscribe" note at gary@gendads.com. Would love to have you stay onboard with the hope some of you will add examples of generationally significant fathering and maybe even agree to an interview.]  

Two Princeses, Horses, and a Goat

We’re back to the delayed original:  Bugling…might be reveille, the military wake up call. Could be my favorite sound in the wild, a wapiti, a bull Elk announcing his presence and, well, his really serious intentions. Really big announcements come with bugling. All of which brings me to this TA-Ta-TAAAAAaaaa!!

That’s me announcing a pivotal event in my life appropriate to FATHER’S DAY.
You see, I got me an editor. And I got me a request from a well-known publisher, too. Think it’s about time the Generational Fathering myth becomes a book?

GENDADs (.com) is about to become what it was originally intended.  Matt, co-author and soninlaw, had wanted this space to be more bloggy instead of a rare intonation from ancient cowboy-philosopher-poet.

Here’s what you’ll be getting from GenDad’s now.  First is “short.”  Revolutionary, eh?  Still provokative, or maybe just a prodding.  Frequent due to the new function.

While I dig deep and do the hard work of the book, and it should take some considerable time, I’ll be less in touch with my “tribe”. But as I finished talking with Matt on the cell in his travels from Denver, this idea struck me.  Hard.

Talking with Matt, I was walking to the arena with 9-(cum 18)-year-old Brooke to keep a promise to train her in the round pen on her horse, Holly.  Dad, the equine master, has been gone.  I am filling in.  This is the essence of Generational Fathering…”co-fathering,” maybe, “partner-fathering.”   Maybe “complementary fathering” is more apt.  Matt is full-up with Deep Rivers Family Ranch and his therapy practice like most dads this age at the crux of their careers.  Six children complicate things.  Alas, “Popi” rides up on a white stallion, white hat, and a golden heart and a deep desire to build and leave a godly legacy.

So?

So, I will be writing (and Matt commenting) as layers of our tightly wrapped lives unfold into stories illustrating our convictions supporting this bold new dimension of fathering in an increasingly fatherless world.  I can take short vignettes out of our lives to keep the stories fresh here in GenDads.  It’s a good way to demonstrate what “complementary fathering” looks like in the canvas of our lives.  I’ve noted four in my pocket pad since wrote this.  Our hope?  Give you on either side of the father/grandfather role some food for thought.

If I am committed to writing three hours a day (many of you are so glad to hear, at last, “FOCUS!”) I can add a short piece, blog style, every few days.   They’ll be way shorter than this transition statement. I use Hootsuite, so some of you will get a Twitter alert, others Facebook, and a bunch of my Deep Rivers Family Ranch connections in Linked In will be able to peek at the progress of our book and of our lives.

Oh, some of you know about the advanced stage of you-know-what and the chemotherapy routine I’m balancing with a “normal” full life.  It’s a motivator.  It’s about time I multi-task despite my wife’s 48 years of doubt.  Dual primary tasks is a good thing.  Leaving a legacy for multiple generations to follow and concentrating on the book as the premier project of this finish-well leg of the journey means no stinkin chemo is going to thwart God’s assignment.

Thanks, alas, for sticking with this last long blog.  Any comments to encourage or re-direct let me know the admin rework worked.

FIRST, IT WAS THE LORD’S “STILL, SMALL VOICE“(See comment below).

THEN IT WAS THE DEVIL’S TURN…Or was it?  You probably noticed.  I got hacked.  Messed up my rigid plans for the day.  BUT it got me back into this blog.  I’ve been planning that for over a week.   Or is that spelled, “weak?”  I ‘spect I’m being prodded by the Lord to re-enter the blog world as part of the mission to pick up my book writing.  Been away all summer helping son-in-law start his business. It’s actually a ministry of reaching out to families in chaos by way of equine assisted therapy on Deep Rivers Family Ranch.

SUDDENLY, THE LORD WHISPERED LOUDLY…”Take a break, son.”  He was refering to my time on my blog and social media.  He reminded me He wrote His Book, and now I should write mine.

SO FOR MY VISITORS OVER THE FIRST HALF OF OCTOBER:  This is a perfect place for a static page.  It introduces the book and a bit of our life touched, incredibly, by grace uncommon.  Feel free, however, to leave a comment (tap “comments,” above).]

———————————–

Per the blog header, the focus  of GenDads is pretty clear.  It’s about “generational fathering,” the concept of promoting multiple generations participation in the fathering challenge.  If the goal is “good and godly” children as lights of hope and righteousness in a darkening future, then the father and the father’s father would be a better set of tools to hammer out that sort of legacy.

One thing is obvious.  Like other “obvious” truths, we need reminding: it’s not the quantity (as in two complementing generations) but the quality of both that will assure the quality of the newest and very challenging generation being molded.

See the cute, happy couple? If the photo is 46 years old, does “happy” continue (even if “cute” is long gone)?  It’s a serious question.  The handsome Navy flyboy has wrinkles, white hair, and a protruding belly now.  But it  is the quality of his life–and his  “Happy Couple” marraige–that determines the quality of imprint “Popi” will have on his grandchidren.

This weekend Sunday service forces this issue.  You see, Carolyn (the still “cute” and obviously better half) and I were asked to share our testimony and given the entire message slot.  We would never have guessed (and still are a bit dazed) the overwhelming event that would become.  It was not the 46 years of walking with God together done in 40 minutes, but the entire week it took for us to forge Our Story from memory and pictures.  Tears, smiles, awed silence and shaking our heads in wonder as we reviewed each segment of the journey.

Reviewing our life under the Utterly Gracious Hand of a Loving God has changed us.  Our life forward will be different.  The “Finishing Well” phase of life  (like a race, a poem, a painting, a landscaping project…heck, like anything of worth) depends what’s been invested, hammered, built, tested, sacrificed (etc., etc.,) in early stages.  We were overwhelmed (I mean that; really, we were swept up in the wonder of it) at the amazing and unearned grace of God to have favored us so.  I type through tears even now.

This could be a very long post.  Or it could stop here.  Or maybe I should hit the “pause” tab for now.  I think over the next couple of days, with writing Generational Fathering highest on my priority list, I’ll take time on GenDads to share the highlights of that journey.  WHY?  Back to the “quality” thing in leaving a legacy imprint on my generations to follow. The quality of God’s grace is never in question.  How we appropriated it–that alone a mystery of unmetited grace–is the essence of how my life (amplified by my still-cute better half) will imprint these six grandchildren I so dearly love.

AND YOU?  HOW WILL THE WORK OF GOD IN YOUR LIFE UP ’TIL NOW IMPACT YOUR LIFE ONWARD..AND THOSE HE GIVES YOU TO LEAD, INCLUDING THE GENERATIONS TO FOLLOW FORWARD?

If you missed yesterday’s post sending Taylor off into his solo wilderness quest, go back an catch it.  It’s short.  Sets the stage.

WHAT A SYMBOL ! BOY STRUGGLES TO EMERGE AS A MAN.  IT’S A THING OF BEAUTY.  WELCOME TO THE SUNSHINE OF GROWING AS A MAN OF GOD’S CREATION, TAYLOR.

He’s due back in a couple of hours.  With Dad who (unbeknown to “T”) rode his horse in about a mile away for his own quest…and a watchful eye via hunting binoculars.  The four sibling covered their eldest brother in prayer at bedtime.  Now are quite anxious for his return.  As it should be, a young man emerging from childhood, has been made a big deal.  Oh, and TODAY IS TAYLOR’S 13TH  BIRTHDAY.

Last night, through the night, and refReshed all morning long is my PEB prayer. You’ll have to buy the book that will someday be finished to get the entirety of prayers for your family. Let’s just say the “Protection” prayer was prominent. Bears are coming out of hibernation in these here parts. The point of the quest was the “Enablement”. Matt is practicing Proverbs 22:6 in pointing him in the direction God created him for. The “Blessing” is reigning as we reflect on Taylor’s growth this year.

There, that’s your sermon for the day. Now, how would YOU answer the questions we posed for him to work out overnight?
WHAT IS MY CALLING—What did God design me for? What are my strengths, my special abilities, my life desires?
WHAT IS MY PURPOSE IN LIFE? What do I want to be remembered for?
WHAT DO I NEED TO BE A COMPETENT MAN
WHAT DO I NEED TO BE A TRUE MAN OF GOD—are there issues, problems, struggles, sin, to deal with? Are there gifts and interests that need to be developed? What and who can help me develop these best?
WHO IS JESUS CHRIST TO ME TODAY, REALLY?
IN FOUR SENTENCES OR LESS, WHO IS TAYLOR PETTIT?
IN FOUR SENTENCES OR LESS, WHO WOULD TAYLOR PETTIT LIKE TO BE IN THE YEAR 2031,
IN FOUR SENTENCES OR LESS, MY IDEAL LIFE IN 2031 WILL LOOK THIS

[noto bono: Legacy Dad is a companion blog to GenDads which three of us author. Per previous post we thought it was time to actually meet. That event authenticated the very chapter I was writing for Generational Fathering . Fathering is not the trail and error solo parenting venture we have made into the default standard. It's a team sport, and victory is a long way down the trail. Best we NOT do this alone. Fathering is NOT a game. Too much at stake for the lives of our legacy, our children and grandchildren. Here is a Legacy Dad post after the bonding weekend]

WHAT BETTER THAN THREE HORSES, THREE CIGARS, AND THREE DAD DUDES PASSIONATE OVER THEIR LEGACY.
What an immense pleasure to actually meet up with and embrace my two partners of Legacy Dad. There is an uplifting irony in this. For all the questionable dynamics of the two-dimensional world as seen through the eyes of pre-Internet generations, our blog, Tweets, and FB did a very old fashioned thing; it brought us together. Three lives across a wide spectrum of age, geography, and professions would not have otherwise met. My life would be slightly less rich if we’d not made the original cyber connection. And, it would be a lot less rich if we’d not met on the beach cottage in SoCal.

I think our meeting breathes something important into the lives of fathers today; our own and our dad pals on GenDad and Legacy Dad. Fathering is best done NOT alone. It’s a team sport. Since it’s not about us but about our children, our legacy, pulling out all the stops is the right approach. That includes connecting with other dads. Not so much for the “How To’s” but for the encouragement, for the discussion of bedrock principles, for just not feeling alone and overwhelmed by marriage, work, and parenting.

I’m a grandfather, so my take-away is different. I see the value of elder fathers imprint on current child-raisers. That’s where Generational Fathering (my book in progress) is going. Then there is value of seeing and feeling the joys and conflicts of fully engaged young dads. Refreshing and instructional; I’ve gained insights I can pass along to my own and other young fathers who seek me out.

DAD, MOM(including single’s looking for a dad for their children) ARE YOU WILLING TO SEEK OUT A FATHERING CONNECTION TO MAKE THESE SHORT AND PRECARIOUS PARENTING YEARS GO BETTER?

Intrigued you, didn’t it, that title?  I wrote a Legacy Dad post this morning which had  its roots in the chapter of Generational Fathering I am currently writing (at www.generationalfathering.com if you are curious).  We’re meeting for the weekend at the beach cottages of Camp Pendleton (Yes, Marines do go to the beach without combat gear).  Thought you’d like to read and ponder the “why”.  I’ll keep you, as they say in the blogosphere, “posted.”
-=-=-=-=-
[This morning at www.legacydad.com]
Did you know Legacy Dad is actually Legacy DadS? Lance started us out; he’s the main man. But there’s Dante and Gary. Our profiles span the imagination. One’s a professional warrior of the serious kind. Another is a commodities trader or something. The other is a retired cowboy. Really. Two fathers and a grandfather. Oregon, California, Illinois. We don’t sport “diversity” bumper stickers; we ARE diversity.

We’re inviting you to peek in on our special occasion. After nearly a year of electronic connectivity, we decided to meet; the flesh and blood kind of meeting where a cigar and a beer and runs on the beach and a couple hours on horseback are our medium. We’re not abandoning the two-dimensional cyberworld, we’re just setting it aside to make our connection more real. We are having a bonding weekend as you read this; we’re meeting to celebrate what we have in common. And there is one bonus issue worth telling you about.

In common is fathering–actually a passion for good and godly fathering. Also that we are serious followers of Christ who makes more indellible our impact in our family and professional lives. And that we value the opportunity to share our experiences, insights, and our hearts with guys (a few gals, too) like you. We sincerely hope you find our thoughts worth processing and applying in your real lives.

The bonus thing is that we are modeling a concept we want you to take seriously. Will you give it some thought? Maybe feed back to us. I’ll call it “companion fathering.” In fact, this very day I was writing the section of my book that talks about it. I’ll spare you chapter four for now. Try this: We dads, especially the younger and newer ones, are immersed to our detriment in the “I can do it myself” syndrome of the independent wild west traditions of America. Good for some things, but not parenting. Grandfather no longer llives in the tent door or the farm just down the road. Where’s the passalong? How does experience–good, bad–get written into the overwhelming task of raising good and godly children when everything, it seesm, is against it. When did heritage and legacy get dropped from family matrix?

True, our fathers may not be nearby, alive, or care all that much. And some dads and inlaw dads would be best left out of the picture, frankly. But by father’s intentionally connecting with other fathers, both peers and “ancient relics” of another generation to learn, encourage, advise, whole new dimensions open up. Where the salty tang of early generational cultures is missing, uncles, in-laws, elders from church, a grandfather just down the street can make the mix of cross-pollination a way more rich life brew.

Yes, the blogosphere can be a big help in working out our legacy, but there is no substitute for abrasos and late-night sessions to add hope, even excitement, to the challenges of building a legacy that will be lived out in our children who will inherit a far darker, more confused, and less happy world than we were handed.

Well, that’s the idea. We’ll tell you how it came out. This here old coot is eager to saddle up. My fathering ain’t done yet; it is an assignment from On High that is never rescinded. Best I make the most of it. Oh, and I’m not alone, either. I, too, am fathered by God.

THE TRANSITION FROM CHILDHOOD TO MANHOOD IS LARGELY IGNORED BY OUR COSMOPOLITAN AND FEMINIZED SOCIETY. A “RITE OF PASSAGE” TURNS THAT AROUND.

[Taylor's here. So is his dad. Sunday through Thursday. We're at the last leg of Taylor's Year of Passage. He'll be 13 in a month. Very full days, just enough time to make daily and short comments to bring the reader along. Know what's really interesting? Right after Event One, people throughout our church and full-time RV community were remarking with words to the effect, "That's so wonderful. If only my parents had done that for me."]

• Arrival midnight from Utah, RV resort chapel followed by famous potluck. Message on David’s calling to follow God, 2 Samuel 2. Seven men seated in a circle with Taylor, most retired, each with a half-page statement to pass the “lessons learned” baton: “What I like about my profession, how Christ made a difference through me there, a story to highlight ‘Christ in me on the job.’” Can you see me inner glow? I can still feel it.
• These good and godly men who were touched themselves by the opportunity to “pass it on,” gave their story around the circle. Taylor focusing on each treasure of lives long-lived, most for Christ. I could see him most gripped by the life-long recovering alcoholic’s story of a wasted rakish life recovered half way through by Christ’s intervention. Each handed in a note page for Taylor’s journal.
• Then the “Irish” pot luck. “Taylor” is a derivative of Celtic Cameron clan. He fit right in.
• Then golf. Hey, this kid (who is also a wrestler), has got moves. Dad and Grand Dad, battled each other for top spot, but Taylor was only 12 points behind at the end. Best part was, of course, the fairway recapitulations of the morning men’s meeting.
• Then patio-sunset dinner. Thanks, Nani.
• Then closing the night with an obscure video that should not be (obscure, that is). Did you know that Campus Crusade’s Dr. Bill Bright produced “Red Dawn in the Morning?” A dozen historians and commenter’s in a series of six segments recounts the history of America with an emphasis I’ve not heard, “America is on a mission designed by God.” The closing segments lament the nation’s departure from its founding biblical principles. Amazing discussion with a 13 yold who “gets it” about America’s decline and his role in its future.

IF YOU COULD ARRANGE A PASSAGE EVENT FOR A SON OR GRANDSON, WHAT WOULD IT LOOK LIKE?

It caught me by surprise.  Shouldn’t have.  I’ve seen Paul grow personally, professional, and spiritually over the years.  He’s now considered one of the world’s premier sitar (Indian “Guitar”) performers. Talk about witness in challenging context!  Travels all over.  Picked it up as a missionary kid in India. Father is a major figure in world missions and best friend (next to soninlaw, Matt).  “Uncle” in this case is an earned title. it’s what best friends become when “uncles” have a better voice that dad’s too familiar one.

So, of all the responses from the grandson’s and the readers about INTEGRITY, Paul’s wins the year’s subscription to all three of my blogs.  Besides, if I did charge, he’d pay me in Rupees.

Am sending the following to Matt for dialog with the boys and the home church meeting this morning.  Please poke “MORE” here then (again, PULEEZ) poke “Comments,” above.  This is life changing material. More

[This letter to my two oldest grandsons, 13 and 11 is not fictional. We'll chat about them during my visits and Dad (Matt, co writer) will engage them in the meantime. This series is also for YOU, "Old Folks." It's a reminder how essential a quality INTEGRITY is to our lives. Thoughts I offer the boys can prod you into fresh thinking. A few moments of reading and a quick inventory just might refresh your soul, might adjust your behavior...today. ]

IF WE CONSTRUCT OUR LIFE WITHOUT INTENTIONALLY ADDING INTEGRITY, IT IS LIKE A RANDOM CONSTRUCTION PAPER CASTLE

Morn’, Guys. In the next couple of letters, let’s get down to the NITTY GRITTY. That’s “old speak” for the core of stuff.

Did you catch it:”nitty GRITY?” I teased you that the Latin root for INTEGRITY was “true GRIT.” See how our English language finds ways to reinforce what’s important (“inteGRITY”)? The question, now that we’ve worked out a definition: SO WHAT?!

Well, we established that personal INTEGRITY is the core of good character. Get it? “Core,” “Nitty GRITY,” “INTEGRITY”? Good character is what people will know you by. Wait, there is one more…it is what YOU come to know yourself by.

For now as I try to keep this short for your school schedule and your attention span, let’s name the personal character traits that come out of INTEGRITY. I just now closed my eyes and thought of six. There are more. Visitors to the comments section–including your dad–have identified several. Check it out.

So, before you turn the page, I’d like you to think of at least six character traits built on INTEGRITY. Keep in mind what INTEGRITY is (you did read the last letter, right?). If you guys are reading this together, see what you can come up with. When we finish, the list should be pretty long. We’ll print it and we can discuss it when we have lunch at the Cowboy Cafe in my next visit. Ready? Think of at least six, then poke “MORE” . . . More

[These letters to my two oldest grandsons, 13 and 11 are not fictional. They read them, feeling special to be "blogged" about, and we will chat about them during my visits and Dad (Matt, co writer) will engage them in the meantime. This series is also for YOU (Old Folks). It's a reminder how essential a quality INTEGRITY is to our lives. Thoughts I offer the boys can prod you into fresh thinking. A few moments of reading and a quick inventory just might refresh your soul, might adjust your behavior...today.]

YOU WILL STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD IF YOU HAVE INTEGRITY (so, answer the question, below)

So, a man or woman of INTEGRITY, bases their worldview and their behavior on principles, NOT on whim, good intentions, or even on “whatever”. Key word, kids; a big one but really important: INTENTIONAL. Good character and its solid core in INTEGRITY is not by accident or good chance. It is something you set your mind and heart on to achieve deliberately. Get this started early. Like now. Many adults don’t deliberately build INTEGRITY in to their lives until too late.

Since you guys and I follow Christ as our Lord and Leader, those prinicples are found in Scripture. There’s a lot of them. Here’s one for starters: I Chronicals 29:17 “I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. We’ll explore others when we get together. We’ll see how INTEGRITY will prove to be that anchor or foundation for your life I mentioned earlier.  The new testament has a bunch, too.  Look it up.  Titus is way in the back of  the New Testament, but boy does it hit the spot.  Young men, it says, be serious about INTEGRITY so no one can say bad things about you and the Church of Christ.

So, answer the questions, OK? 1) What is INTEGRITY as you see it right now? 2) What is it based on? 3) What should it look like as seen in you by friends and family, and 4) what will it look like, how will friends and family see you, if you lack full personal INTEGRITY? 5) STOP for just a second. Try to name one person in both of these categories. Some lives stand out as models. Good and bad ones. My life-long prayer for each of you and your younger siblings is that you will be a model of godly INTEGRITY. As you see, God likes it, too. A LOT. And as you pass this on to your own grandchildren I will be smiling from my great seat in Heaven’s bleechers.

POPI

THE MAYFLOWER PASSENGERS REPRESENTED FREEDOM, ADVENTURE, COURAGE, RISK…BUT THEY ALWAYS HAD AN ANCHOR TO STEADY THEM ON THE SHORES OF THEIR GOAL

Taylor and Colton, I left you hanging. I was about to doze off when I was getting to my definition. That was partly a grandfather trick to get you to come up with your own, discuss it and then compare it to mine. Mine comes after a long life of sorting out the important things of life from the other stuff. Most of life is the “other stuff.”

INTEGRITY is the anchor (think of a storm and a rocky shore), the foundation (think of what holds the rest of the building and the life steady) of my character. It is who I REALLY AM when no one, not even Nani, is looking. It is also who I am to God because I know He is “looking,” and I care about that. It is what makes me content with myself even when I make mistakes and bad choices, because I know I will learn and move on. It is who I am to others because if I don’t have the character that comes out of INTEGRITY, I can not be to my fellow man (especially, friends, wife, children) what they need me to be.

So, trying keep this short, I’ll leave it there with, of course, a question we can take up at the Cowboy Cafe in six weeks: If INTEGRITY is a core value for your life, can you (and you, dear reader) give me examples of lives or verses in the Bible that make this point?

POPI