GENDADS

FIRST, IT WAS THE LORD’S “STILL, SMALL VOICE“(See comment below).

THEN IT WAS THE DEVIL’S TURN…Or was it?  You probably noticed.  I got hacked.  Messed up my rigid plans for the day.  BUT it got me back into this blog.  I’ve been planning that for over a week.   Or is that spelled, “weak?”  I ‘spect I’m being prodded by the Lord to re-enter the blog world as part of the mission to pick up my book writing.  Been away all summer helping son-in-law start his business. It’s actually a ministry of reaching out to families in chaos by way of equine assisted therapy on Deep Rivers Family Ranch.

SUDDENLY, THE LORD WHISPERED LOUDLY…”Take a break, son.”  He was refering to my time on my blog and social media.  He reminded me He wrote His Book, and now I should write mine.

SO FOR MY VISITORS OVER THE FIRST HALF OF OCTOBER:  This is a perfect place for a static page.  It introduces the book and a bit of our life touched, incredibly, by grace uncommon.  Feel free, however, to leave a comment (tap “comments,” above).]

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Per the blog header, the focus  of GenDads is pretty clear.  It’s about “generational fathering,” the concept of promoting multiple generations participation in the fathering challenge.  If the goal is “good and godly” children as lights of hope and righteousness in a darkening future, then the father and the father’s father would be a better set of tools to hammer out that sort of legacy.

One thing is obvious.  Like other “obvious” truths, we need reminding: it’s not the quantity (as in two complementing generations) but the quality of both that will assure the quality of the newest and very challenging generation being molded.

See the cute, happy couple? If the photo is 46 years old, does “happy” continue (even if “cute” is long gone)?  It’s a serious question.  The handsome Navy flyboy has wrinkles, white hair, and a protruding belly now.  But it  is the quality of his life–and his  “Happy Couple” marraige–that determines the quality of imprint “Popi” will have on his grandchidren.

This weekend Sunday service forces this issue.  You see, Carolyn (the still “cute” and obviously better half) and I were asked to share our testimony and given the entire message slot.  We would never have guessed (and still are a bit dazed) the overwhelming event that would become.  It was not the 46 years of walking with God together done in 40 minutes, but the entire week it took for us to forge Our Story from memory and pictures.  Tears, smiles, awed silence and shaking our heads in wonder as we reviewed each segment of the journey.

Reviewing our life under the Utterly Gracious Hand of a Loving God has changed us.  Our life forward will be different.  The “Finishing Well” phase of life  (like a race, a poem, a painting, a landscaping project…heck, like anything of worth) depends what’s been invested, hammered, built, tested, sacrificed (etc., etc.,) in early stages.  We were overwhelmed (I mean that; really, we were swept up in the wonder of it) at the amazing and unearned grace of God to have favored us so.  I type through tears even now.

This could be a very long post.  Or it could stop here.  Or maybe I should hit the “pause” tab for now.  I think over the next couple of days, with writing Generational Fathering highest on my priority list, I’ll take time on GenDads to share the highlights of that journey.  WHY?  Back to the “quality” thing in leaving a legacy imprint on my generations to follow. The quality of God’s grace is never in question.  How we appropriated it–that alone a mystery of unmetited grace–is the essence of how my life (amplified by my still-cute better half) will imprint these six grandchildren I so dearly love.

AND YOU?  HOW WILL THE WORK OF GOD IN YOUR LIFE UP ’TIL NOW IMPACT YOUR LIFE ONWARD..AND THOSE HE GIVES YOU TO LEAD, INCLUDING THE GENERATIONS TO FOLLOW FORWARD?

Really, REALLY hard to get this post out. For all the right reasons. If I said “tears” or “thumping heart,” would it make sense? It does to me. And if you’ve been reading or take a few moments now to catch up on the last four or so posts, you’ll get it. It’s about Dads and Sons. Period. See, I’m a dad, sometimes “grand,” sometimes not. Now uncommonly humbled as the observer-participant of my oldest grandson’s Year of, then Week of, then Rite of PASSAGE.

I owe you fans who’ve been so encouraging (and demanding) that I post details of the night in the Big Log Lodge. Mostly you want to know what was said to Taylor and what his response was and how he responded to the questions posed in his wilderness quest.

I will. Soon (this is called a “teaser” in the promo business).

THIS IS THE WOMAN-TO-BE WHO SINGS TO GOD, AND EVERY SONG IS AN ORIGINAL.

We boys rediscoverd this the day before the Big Log Lodge nite. Brooke, somewhere between 8 and 16 years of age, had a tea party. Busy dad, distracted grandfather, harried brother all had to attend. It’s all in the power of the sly roll of the eyes, the hands on the hips. Where did she learn that?! Two neighborhood mothers, a few neighbor girls arrived for tea, cocoa, and crumpets of sorts, and they were all dressed up.

Oh, did I tell you we SERVED? Get the picture? Get the drift? Get the future portended?

Cute, but there’s a sobering summary. Dad is her dad, too. She will marry the man who is most like him. How Matt treats her mother and the other girls is the man who sets the standards and the expectations. How “Popi” treats “Nani” fingures in, too. “Comlementary fathering” is our theme. We both play a role. With today’s longevities, I’ll be there to take part in her Country Cotillion or however it is that her mother and father take her across the threshold of being a captivating woman of modesty, purity, grace, and maturity in Christ.

So, men, this is the sidetrack with purpose. As fathers we model manhood to our girls. If you see that ideal man you may already be praying for as gentle, humble, wise, serving, and mature in the Lord, you’d better be living that model before her…NOW.

THEY DO WHAT THEY SEE: Are you modeling strenth, humility and godliness for her future husband?

If you’ve missed post #1 and #2. Click on them and catch up.  They’re short, but the story they tell is a long one; a boy crossing the threshold to becoming the man who walks with God throughout his life.

One Milestone in the YEAR OF PASSAGE: Eight point Buck on first hunt is now on the walls…living room, character museum.

Speaking of long, I can’t tell all  it here; the story of Taylor’s and Matt’s eventful night on “T’s” solo wilderness quest, I mean.  Good posts, they say, are short. So, snippets only. But, like the trailer of a good movie, yesterday’s report plays over and over. I write this a day later.  Even now, as it was throughout the day, my smile grows sponteneously and my eyes squint with a twinkle, often rimmed with small tears.  Over-dramatic?  Not when you see what I see.  A 12yold steps across the threshold to godly manhood.

The story played out over the birthday breakfast. Eight around the table awaited their returning men.  Strawberry pancakes with whip cream says “special.” What was truly special was Taylor and Matt telling their separate stories and the convergence of two men around the fire at 0400.  That’s early.   Without Taylor knowing it, Matt had returned with his horse about a mile from the camp Taylor had set up.  All night, blessed by a full moon on a reflective snow field, Matt silently eased closer to assure Taylor’s safety. No warm sleeping bag; this was an all-night vigil.  Highway 50 was hobbled as Matt did his own journaling.  It was a father’s passage, too.

Cold night, very.  Alone.  Stubborn firewood.  Reading by head lamp.  Strange noises.  Coyotes signing.  Bears in hibernation (“probably”). Journaling. Waiting for God.  Glad He showed up…and went deep. So says both “Man Books” on entries scrawled a hundred yards apart.

“Happy birthday young man“ came the milestone greeting from the cold, dark void across the fire ring. Taylor yelled in fright (a bad word “almost” came out) having emerged from the cosy sleeping bag to stoke the fire.  Matt had made his way to Taylor’s site, cap-napping with no sleeping bag, always “on watch.”

Next event, the ceremony, tomorrow at the log lodge.  The Rite of Passage with illustrative skits, movie clips, letters from godly men, the  presentation of symbolic knighthood gifts, and, of course, the prayer with hands of blessing.

SO, CAN I ASK IF YOU TOOK ANY OR ALL OF THOSE QUEST QUESTIONS FROM POST #2 SERIOUSLY?  Taylor did.  His responses are life-changing.  Yours?

If you want the details of this venture and the response to the quest questions, we’ll gladly share,  but you’ll have to ask in “comments”.

Intrigued you, didn’t it, that title?  I wrote a Legacy Dad post this morning which had  its roots in the chapter of Generational Fathering I am currently writing (at www.generationalfathering.com if you are curious).  We’re meeting for the weekend at the beach cottages of Camp Pendleton (Yes, Marines do go to the beach without combat gear).  Thought you’d like to read and ponder the “why”.  I’ll keep you, as they say in the blogosphere, “posted.”
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[This morning at www.legacydad.com]
Did you know Legacy Dad is actually Legacy DadS? Lance started us out; he’s the main man. But there’s Dante and Gary. Our profiles span the imagination. One’s a professional warrior of the serious kind. Another is a commodities trader or something. The other is a retired cowboy. Really. Two fathers and a grandfather. Oregon, California, Illinois. We don’t sport “diversity” bumper stickers; we ARE diversity.

We’re inviting you to peek in on our special occasion. After nearly a year of electronic connectivity, we decided to meet; the flesh and blood kind of meeting where a cigar and a beer and runs on the beach and a couple hours on horseback are our medium. We’re not abandoning the two-dimensional cyberworld, we’re just setting it aside to make our connection more real. We are having a bonding weekend as you read this; we’re meeting to celebrate what we have in common. And there is one bonus issue worth telling you about.

In common is fathering–actually a passion for good and godly fathering. Also that we are serious followers of Christ who makes more indellible our impact in our family and professional lives. And that we value the opportunity to share our experiences, insights, and our hearts with guys (a few gals, too) like you. We sincerely hope you find our thoughts worth processing and applying in your real lives.

The bonus thing is that we are modeling a concept we want you to take seriously. Will you give it some thought? Maybe feed back to us. I’ll call it “companion fathering.” In fact, this very day I was writing the section of my book that talks about it. I’ll spare you chapter four for now. Try this: We dads, especially the younger and newer ones, are immersed to our detriment in the “I can do it myself” syndrome of the independent wild west traditions of America. Good for some things, but not parenting. Grandfather no longer llives in the tent door or the farm just down the road. Where’s the passalong? How does experience–good, bad–get written into the overwhelming task of raising good and godly children when everything, it seesm, is against it. When did heritage and legacy get dropped from family matrix?

True, our fathers may not be nearby, alive, or care all that much. And some dads and inlaw dads would be best left out of the picture, frankly. But by father’s intentionally connecting with other fathers, both peers and “ancient relics” of another generation to learn, encourage, advise, whole new dimensions open up. Where the salty tang of early generational cultures is missing, uncles, in-laws, elders from church, a grandfather just down the street can make the mix of cross-pollination a way more rich life brew.

Yes, the blogosphere can be a big help in working out our legacy, but there is no substitute for abrasos and late-night sessions to add hope, even excitement, to the challenges of building a legacy that will be lived out in our children who will inherit a far darker, more confused, and less happy world than we were handed.

Well, that’s the idea. We’ll tell you how it came out. This here old coot is eager to saddle up. My fathering ain’t done yet; it is an assignment from On High that is never rescinded. Best I make the most of it. Oh, and I’m not alone, either. I, too, am fathered by God.

(I originally posted this for my friends on www.LegacyDad.com)

I was teaching a group of elderlies (yes, like me) last night. The topic was prayer. It’s a favorite of mine…the topic and the action. The discussion took an interesting direction. We talked about “Grandmother’s prayers”. How many of us have referred back to our mothers and grandmothers as the transforming force at a critical stage in our life.

Prayers are not a magic wand. Our Father, God, doesn’t respond to the words but to the relationship; He loves it when we talk with Him. Wonder where I’m going with this? What about fathers’ and grandfathers’ prayers. Perhaps it’s not so poetic, but we DO pray…right, dads.

Let’s explore this. I’m going to press on you. How often or, more appropriately, how passionately do you pray for each of your sons and daughters? Are you specific as related to their personality and its strenghts and deficits? Do pray for their grasp of universal character issues, like integrity, like courage, like kindness?

SEASONED PRAYERS ACROSS THE GENERATIONS …and a little nap

Wait a second…do you pray for YOU? Yeah, that YOU would walk before them in honor, face the irregularities of life with flexibility and patience, treat others, especially their mother, with respect and kindness? Does it seem to you as it seems to me that prayers for your own godliness must be tied to your loving prayers for each of them? And do you tell them you are praying for them and why…and praying for yourself and why? Modelling prayerful godliness and humility will rank right up there with “Grandmother’s Prayers.”

Oh, one last piece to encourage each of you who is now or will be a grand–or is that GRAND!?–father: how about your prayers? You’ve lived and prayed through many seasons. Seasoned prayers for the children of your legacy can be considered a most pleasing investment to the Ultimate Father in Heaven.

Ponder how James 5:16 might read in your household: “The prayer of a person–father, mother, grandfather, grandmother–living right with God is powerful and effective.

Gary

FOR NOW THREE GENERATIONS OF WOULD BE FISHERMEN. WILL IT SOON BE THREE GENS FISHING FOR MEN?

Can it only be day three? Seems we’ve been at it a couple of weeks. Let’s see. Monday, follow family physician around for six hours, notebook in hand. Capped it off with granddads checkup. All’s very well (except for that cancer thing).

Drove the big truck (semi tractor I use for a condo and writing studio) to Popi’s (me) childhood haunts at Dana Point, parked overnight for early fishing.

Tuesday 0530 to 1730. Full day of deep sea fishing. Wonderful experience. Nine nice rockfish between the three of us, Popi with one. Sushi dinner on a street fair then overnight on BIOLA University’s campus.

Today, four hours with the anthropology prof on personal tour of Mammoth dig, department humanoid display, discussion of Young Earth/Old Earth concepts, tour of the missioin booths and kids aflame for missions. nTaylor at his saturation point until “accidental” meeting with seminary student. Battery low, jumped, talked of his calling to Belgium and all the issues of heart and strategy. Not normal fare for 12yold. Dramatic impression.

Now on to fight SoCal traffic, round of golf, fish fry, and long night of discussion. Tomorrow, glider flight.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE A 12 YEAR OLD WITH US RIGHT NOW? ANYTHING YOU CAN USE IN ENGAGING SONS/GRANDSONS IN YOUR OWN CAMPAIGN TO IMPRINT YOUR LEGACY?

THE TRANSITION FROM CHILDHOOD TO MANHOOD IS LARGELY IGNORED BY OUR COSMOPOLITAN AND FEMINIZED SOCIETY. A “RITE OF PASSAGE” TURNS THAT AROUND.

[Taylor's here. So is his dad. Sunday through Thursday. We're at the last leg of Taylor's Year of Passage. He'll be 13 in a month. Very full days, just enough time to make daily and short comments to bring the reader along. Know what's really interesting? Right after Event One, people throughout our church and full-time RV community were remarking with words to the effect, "That's so wonderful. If only my parents had done that for me."]

• Arrival midnight from Utah, RV resort chapel followed by famous potluck. Message on David’s calling to follow God, 2 Samuel 2. Seven men seated in a circle with Taylor, most retired, each with a half-page statement to pass the “lessons learned” baton: “What I like about my profession, how Christ made a difference through me there, a story to highlight ‘Christ in me on the job.’” Can you see me inner glow? I can still feel it.
• These good and godly men who were touched themselves by the opportunity to “pass it on,” gave their story around the circle. Taylor focusing on each treasure of lives long-lived, most for Christ. I could see him most gripped by the life-long recovering alcoholic’s story of a wasted rakish life recovered half way through by Christ’s intervention. Each handed in a note page for Taylor’s journal.
• Then the “Irish” pot luck. “Taylor” is a derivative of Celtic Cameron clan. He fit right in.
• Then golf. Hey, this kid (who is also a wrestler), has got moves. Dad and Grand Dad, battled each other for top spot, but Taylor was only 12 points behind at the end. Best part was, of course, the fairway recapitulations of the morning men’s meeting.
• Then patio-sunset dinner. Thanks, Nani.
• Then closing the night with an obscure video that should not be (obscure, that is). Did you know that Campus Crusade’s Dr. Bill Bright produced “Red Dawn in the Morning?” A dozen historians and commenter’s in a series of six segments recounts the history of America with an emphasis I’ve not heard, “America is on a mission designed by God.” The closing segments lament the nation’s departure from its founding biblical principles. Amazing discussion with a 13 yold who “gets it” about America’s decline and his role in its future.

IF YOU COULD ARRANGE A PASSAGE EVENT FOR A SON OR GRANDSON, WHAT WOULD IT LOOK LIKE?

It caught me by surprise.  Shouldn’t have.  I’ve seen Paul grow personally, professional, and spiritually over the years.  He’s now considered one of the world’s premier sitar (Indian “Guitar”) performers. Talk about witness in challenging context!  Travels all over.  Picked it up as a missionary kid in India. Father is a major figure in world missions and best friend (next to soninlaw, Matt).  “Uncle” in this case is an earned title. it’s what best friends become when “uncles” have a better voice that dad’s too familiar one.

So, of all the responses from the grandson’s and the readers about INTEGRITY, Paul’s wins the year’s subscription to all three of my blogs.  Besides, if I did charge, he’d pay me in Rupees.

Am sending the following to Matt for dialog with the boys and the home church meeting this morning.  Please poke “MORE” here then (again, PULEEZ) poke “Comments,” above.  This is life changing material. More

[This letter to my two oldest grandsons, 13 and 11 is not fictional. We'll chat about them during my visits and Dad (Matt, co writer) will engage them in the meantime. This series is also for YOU, "Old Folks." It's a reminder how essential a quality INTEGRITY is to our lives. Thoughts I offer the boys can prod you into fresh thinking. A few moments of reading and a quick inventory just might refresh your soul, might adjust your behavior...today. ]

IF WE CONSTRUCT OUR LIFE WITHOUT INTENTIONALLY ADDING INTEGRITY, IT IS LIKE A RANDOM CONSTRUCTION PAPER CASTLE

Morn’, Guys. In the next couple of letters, let’s get down to the NITTY GRITTY. That’s “old speak” for the core of stuff.

Did you catch it:”nitty GRITY?” I teased you that the Latin root for INTEGRITY was “true GRIT.” See how our English language finds ways to reinforce what’s important (“inteGRITY”)? The question, now that we’ve worked out a definition: SO WHAT?!

Well, we established that personal INTEGRITY is the core of good character. Get it? “Core,” “Nitty GRITY,” “INTEGRITY”? Good character is what people will know you by. Wait, there is one more…it is what YOU come to know yourself by.

For now as I try to keep this short for your school schedule and your attention span, let’s name the personal character traits that come out of INTEGRITY. I just now closed my eyes and thought of six. There are more. Visitors to the comments section–including your dad–have identified several. Check it out.

So, before you turn the page, I’d like you to think of at least six character traits built on INTEGRITY. Keep in mind what INTEGRITY is (you did read the last letter, right?). If you guys are reading this together, see what you can come up with. When we finish, the list should be pretty long. We’ll print it and we can discuss it when we have lunch at the Cowboy Cafe in my next visit. Ready? Think of at least six, then poke “MORE” . . . More

[These letters to my two oldest grandsons, 13 and 11 are not fictional. They read them, feeling special to be "blogged" about, and we will chat about them during my visits and Dad (Matt, co writer) will engage them in the meantime. This series is also for YOU (Old Folks). It's a reminder how essential a quality INTEGRITY is to our lives. Thoughts I offer the boys can prod you into fresh thinking. A few moments of reading and a quick inventory just might refresh your soul, might adjust your behavior...today.]

YOU WILL STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD IF YOU HAVE INTEGRITY (so, answer the question, below)

So, a man or woman of INTEGRITY, bases their worldview and their behavior on principles, NOT on whim, good intentions, or even on “whatever”. Key word, kids; a big one but really important: INTENTIONAL. Good character and its solid core in INTEGRITY is not by accident or good chance. It is something you set your mind and heart on to achieve deliberately. Get this started early. Like now. Many adults don’t deliberately build INTEGRITY in to their lives until too late.

Since you guys and I follow Christ as our Lord and Leader, those prinicples are found in Scripture. There’s a lot of them. Here’s one for starters: I Chronicals 29:17 “I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. We’ll explore others when we get together. We’ll see how INTEGRITY will prove to be that anchor or foundation for your life I mentioned earlier.  The new testament has a bunch, too.  Look it up.  Titus is way in the back of  the New Testament, but boy does it hit the spot.  Young men, it says, be serious about INTEGRITY so no one can say bad things about you and the Church of Christ.

So, answer the questions, OK? 1) What is INTEGRITY as you see it right now? 2) What is it based on? 3) What should it look like as seen in you by friends and family, and 4) what will it look like, how will friends and family see you, if you lack full personal INTEGRITY? 5) STOP for just a second. Try to name one person in both of these categories. Some lives stand out as models. Good and bad ones. My life-long prayer for each of you and your younger siblings is that you will be a model of godly INTEGRITY. As you see, God likes it, too. A LOT. And as you pass this on to your own grandchildren I will be smiling from my great seat in Heaven’s bleechers.

POPI